The Constant Reshaping of Who I Am...

Well, it’s been a wild ride these last few months! How are things, you ask? Well I can honestly say that I arrived back to Canada in the perfect season. I love fall and all the colours,  I let the crisp air become less of a stranger, and I especially love the visual expression of change. Since leaving Mexico, I have been slowly trying to reacquaint myself with non-Mexican culture. You know, the stuff that used to be my familiar comfort zone. It’s safe to say that I feel somewhat like a fish out of water or alien to my surroundings, the people outside my close friends and family have become slightly harder to relate to. Considering the difference of context between them and myself, it makes sense. But what doesn’t make sense is the fact that something familiar can become something foreign. Something common can become something extraordinary or luxurious. It’s like my world gets flipped on end every time I relocate. The readjusting happens. The constant reshaping of who I am… I am forced each time to see how I fit into the context, question my habits and lifestyle, find my people, depending on what the situation is like in my new location/city (or island). I flip from one language to the other. I make mistakes with common English and find the words I’m looking for only in Spanish. I am tired. I am tired of living out of a suitcase, but I’m proud of how I have become a master-packer, maybe not a master – “light packer” just yet but I’m giving it an honest effort! I can keep track of tiny pieces of paper with someone in Memphis’ contact info about a gig. These tiny pieces of folded, golden information make it through 4 moves between 3 different cities, one move being between two different countries before I enter it into my contact list. I can fit my whole life into a guitar case… and the other stuff that helps me along the way into two suitcases. I missed the comforts of home. I missed family, bathtubs and dishwashers and wash machines and the way the autumn leaves turn from green to yellow, orange to a deep red, before they gracefully let go of their comfortable branch and fall to the ground, anticipating their friend the wind to come along and whisk them away to their next adventure. I missed that visual reminder of the changes we go through and of the importance of cherishing every moment for what it is and being present. I missed the people who knew me before all these big changes happened with my career and my life. I missed them because they are the people that understand the backstory – the lead up to my adventurous journey and the way I have transformed and grown in the process.  

Austin was an incredible experience. I met so many people, built networks, played in an Iconic Austin pub (which was pretty much my favourite place in Austin), and also got a glimpse into the workings of the United States. Having never lived there before, it was an interesting experience especially since it was in a border state. What a trip! I left Mexico feeling more like a Mexican than a Canadian. I crossed the border as a Canadian to go live like an American. I was blown away when I put it all into perspective and realized that for any of my Mexican friends/family the journey would have been a very different one crossing that arbitrary line from Mexico to the United States; and that borders and systems are flawed. The immigration issues in the United States were astounding and even for me, it proved difficult to be able to stay a long period of time. I felt blessed to have had the opportunity to be there and see it for myself. I also felt blessed to have a home to return to, where I could return to, and where opportunity and safety was also apparent. I reflected on all those things and was reminded of the so-called “illegal immigrants”. I remembered those people seeking refuge from war-torn countries with unstable living environments and their incredible will and determination to make them want to risk it all with their children and cross a border or several to give a shot to a possible safer existence. Those people have all my admiration. My journey, even though I feel sometimes like it is a huge challenge and wild ride, when put into perspective is a walk in the park and I constantly give thanks for the opportunities and blessings in my life.

And now, after a stint in Austin, Texas, I’m back in Canada. I struggle with the reality that Alberta is an industry driven province and that I am surrounded by it. I struggle with the fact that I will not be playing nightly gigs and I will not have the beach to retreat to. This is new to me. I’ve been here before, but it’s new. It’s kind of fun being in this position, feeling like a child that holds that awe struck look at how endless the possibilities are. But it will take some adjusting to this speed and style of life. In Mexico, things flowed. In Alberta, things fly by at light speed and being busy is a measure of success – an accepted reality. I like being busy. I like being challenged and accomplishing goals and working toward new ones. I also like controlling my schedule, and letting things flow naturally. I also miss the $2 taxi rides through Cancun and the commute through the turquoise Caribbean Sea in a giant yellow passenger ferry to get to Isla Mujeres to work every day. I miss the constant exposure to other cultures and learning new words and languages. I REALLY miss having conversations in Spanish to other people whose native language is English. I miss being invited onto any stage with live music and being asked to sing the moment I arrived. I miss the impromptu blues jams and playing reggae onstage overlooking the ocean. I miss the random beach jams where we would gather up as many instruments or “quasi-instruments” such as 4 gallon water bottles to play percussion on. I miss Tequila! Yes, I know that we have tequila in Canada, but it just doesn’t taste the same as if I were sharing it with friends while we made social commentaries and reach deep realizations at a small beach bar palapa where they played pop music and reggaeton. I loved the contradictions and the spontaneity. I loved the passion and the fiestas. I loved my third floor apartment in the middle of downtown with a view of the park, the sixties chairs without legs and the occasional announcements of friends’ arrivals with a whistle or a shout of my name in Spanish. I loved the hot weather and the sense of community. In short, I miss it all and I am constantly being inspired by mi querido Mexico.

It’s time for a new adventure and the autumn leaves have reminded me of it! I’m ready to get moving and am excited to finally be able to give back to the people who have supported me since the beginning and who have patiently and enthusiastically stayed connected with me through my travels to other countries, while I offered my art as a cultural exchange. I’m excited to be able to do that now for the people who have wondered about me, missed me, encouraged me and continue encouraging me. I’m excited to share what I’ve learned and seen along this beautiful journey and experience another kind of cultural exchange with my roots. I’m excited about the possibilities and adventures ahead of me and the music that will be made! Stay tuned… dates for future shows are coming soon! Bless!